Why does rape (and sexual assault) culture exist? How has such a horrible thing become normalized and inevitable? I argue that this culture of sexual violence has grown out of and been fueld by societal constructs of virginity and violent porn. 

The average age a child is first exposed to porn is 9-10 years old. This age has dropped as a result of the internet and increased technology access and use by young children. This means that many kids may have seen porn before their parents or teachers have even taught them about puberty or sex. And when they are taught about sex, the idea of virginity is most likely included in the conversation. Young girls are instructed to hold flowers or pieces of paper and told that the item represents their virginity. They are instructed to crush and crumple the object then asked to restore it to its original state. When they cannot do so, the instructor offers up the explanation that the object is their virginity, once they give it away, they cannot get it back; once the girl has sex, she is tainted and an un-pure, blemished version of herself. But young boys do not get this same education. Boys are taught that to become men they must be powerful, dominate, and to become that man, they must lose their virginity. For boys, virginity is a reminder of their youth and boyhood; they can only become men through engaging in sexual acts with those same girls that are taught to be ashamed and fearful of sex. 

Boys are encouraged to have sex and they are rewarded for their sexual “conquests.” But we must think about who these boys are being taught to have sex with. To become a man the boy must have sex with (and penetrate) a girl. The boys are also taught that a girl who is not a virgin, and is sexually active, is a slut, whore, hoe, and a slew of other terms. And thus taking a girl’s virginity is an act of power and a milestone to manhood. This idea of men exerting dominance and power over a woman who is powerless and who is by society’s definition, is not meant to have sex, is a theme we see in sexual assault and rape cases. Most sexual violence cases involve a man assaulting a woman who did not consent to the act. These men are often not convicted, and it makes sense when you think about we are taught to view sex as a form of male domination and female shame. 

These same ideas taught in sex ed, appear again in porn. Or, the porn itself serves as the mode of education. Porn, due to increased availability, often becomes the first place children and adolescents go to learn about sex. And when they stumble upon these free sites, they are met with a variety of categories including: BDSM, multiple penetration, gang bangs, rape porn, teen porn, and more. Porn does not show verbal consent, or use of contraceptives, which teaches that these things are “unsexy” and not necessary for sex to occur. The power differential between men and women in porn is also very pronounced. We see stories of step fathers fucking step daughters, dads fucking babysitters, boss fucking secretary, teacher fucking school girl, etc. All stories of men doing sex to (penetrating) a girl, and the girl receiving the action of the fucking and enjoying it. Constant exposure to this storyline teaches boys and girls that this is how sex is meant to be. Consent isn’t sexy, but restraints, whips, and choking are. Violent porn is what many of us use to learn about sex, not because we want to be violent, but because this is what is available. With statistically more men watching porn on a regular basis than women, there also becomes a disconnect between how men and women view porn. For example, we often see girls and women in movies/media describing sex as “making love” and something they only want to do once they are in love or married, while boys and men are shown describing sex as fucking. If a boy in a TV show/movie calls sex “making love” or describes sex as an intimate act, they are made fun of for being sensitive. In summary, men are supposed to dominate, women should be subordinate, and both are supposed to like it that way. 

Internet porn is relatively new, and thus I am not going to argue that it has been a major foundation of rape culture. However, I do think violent porn encourages rape culture. Violent porn normalizes the ideas that pain equals pleasure and that men must be dominant. So why does rape culture exist? And why do we feel rape and sexual assault is inevitable? Well, how can it not exist when we push ideas of dominance and subordination that create the basis upon which rape culture is founded and normalized. 

-Ashley Fitzpatrick