An unlikely story:

It was our fourth date and he has barely so much as touched me. What was he afraid of? My vagina doesn’t have teeth for fuck’s sake. He says he is afraid of us getting pregnant but he seems to forget that condoms exist, not that those feel the best. I even got on the pill for him, but he says he still won’t even consider sex without a condom. Men are so annoying. Take a chance once in your life already, it’s supposed to be fun. 

She’s pressuring me. She says it’s time. But…if we get pregnant I could be stuck as a single dad, or worse get arrested if we get caught trying to abort the fetus. This could change my whole life, and for her, once the baby is out she is free from responsibility, free to go about her life. But me, I am on trial for irresponsible ejaculation and impregnation of a female. 

I read a reimagination of the way we think about pregnancy and abortion and it brings a lot of clarity to the issue in my opinion. Yes, this is just one perspective but it raises some interesting points. For example, pregnancy does not happen without male ejaculation, and further unwanted pregnancy cannot happen without irresponsible ejaculation. As the system stands now, we place the burden on women. Women have the burden of birth control, the burden of convincing men to use condoms, and the burden of 9 months of pregnancy if things don’t go as planned. What burden do men have? Men have the burden of ignorance and of finding other, non vagina, targets for their sperm. When you break it down, it really does not make sense that men assume absolutely no responsibility for a child produced from unprotected sex because without their sperm the pregancy would not have been possible. I also really like the point that women are only fertile for a few days each month, while men are fertile 24/7 from puberty on, giving them much higher chances of contributing to a fetus than a woman. 

But in this society, men, especially white men, fall at the top of the societal hierarchy. These men are the ones that make the rules that abortions for women should be illegal but that men can continue to ejaculate every day, multiple times a day, in as many women as they please. 

I was reminded of this because of our class discussion on single-fatherhood. It seemed there was a disconnect between the growing number of single fathers and the intense movement to criminalize abortions and the women who have them. The former suggests that men are taking responsibility for children they coproduce, the latter says that women are being punished more harshly than ever. I looked into this some more and a few things made this more clear. According to the 2010 census, the the number of households headed by single fathers has increased around 50% since 2000. Of these, most are divorced, white, and are more likely to have completed some level of higher education. So while men are seemingly assuming more responsibility for their children, these children are largely the products of marriage and the men that are trusted with their care are white, older, and educated. In contrast, most single mothers have never been married and are not white. 

I am left wondering when men will truly adopt responsibility for their products of their irresponsible ejaculations and the unwanted pregnancies that result. I think before we can get to this point, we need to start acknowledging the role of the father in a way other than synonymous to bread-winner or head of the house. As our society and our court systems are beginning to award custody to single fathers on the basis of who is best fit to parent and as support systems grow for single fathers, maybe we will be ready to explore shared responsibility of unwanted pregnancies, or even planned ones. But I think the real tipping point will come when it is normal for men to use birth control. Currently, men can use condoms, pull out, practice abstinence or get a vasectomy. And they complain about all of those. Condoms don’t feel good. Pulling out isn’t as hot/sexy. No way anyone is going near my balls with a knife!! But women, we do it all. We willing ingest hormones, or implant them into our uteruses or arms, we get shots every few months, and we suffer the side effects. And if a woman does get pregnant, well that’s 9 months of punishment. 

In summary: the effects of irresponsible ejaculation for…

  • Men: orgasm
  • Women: 9 months of a literal human growing inside of you, moving your organs, distorting your body, then causing the pain of a lifetime as that tiny human comes barreling out the vagina (or is surgically removed via c-section)

… Seems fair…

 

-Ashley Fitzpatrick