“We don’t (and possibly never did) need the modern and harmful idea of chivalry in our society.”

What’s written above was going to my thesis for my initial blog post on chivalry, a topic I believed would be cute, fun and easy to explore. I was going to write in detail about how chivalry and is dangerous to true gender equality and non-inclusive of LGBTQ. I only got about 400 words in only to realize I didn’t really know what I was talking about with this argument.

I decided to start all over and do more research on the subject. After finding some pro-chivalry articles and instances of it within LGBTQ relationships, I decided to form my new thesis arguing that: chivalry and feminism have almost nothing to do with each other and it’s totally acceptable to practice. I began my blog post again, hoping that this one we would be the winner. 500 words in, however, I had realized that my argument had once again run out of steam.

So, after another go into the research rabbit hole, and thinking about this for way longer than I probably should have, I have come to my final opinion:

Chivalry can be only defined by what each individual perceives as knightly, courteous and ideal masculine behavior. As evidence of this, I found some online definitions for chivalry. Here are simplified versions of the meanings I found.

  • Dictionary.com: The sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.
  • Chivalry Today: The noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak.
  • Britannica: The gallantry and honor expected of knights. Later the word came to be used in its general sense of “courtesy.”
  • Google: The medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code. Courteous behavior, especially that of a man toward women.

There’s some variation between definitions but there’s a common theme of courtesy and the idea of acting like a knight. I had a pretty good idea of courtesy, so I went next to look at what it meant to be a knight. According to Livia Gershon’s article for History, “Chivalry was Established to Keep Thuggish, Medieval Knights in Check”, knights were originally not particularly kind and courteous to villagers. They often raped, burned and pillaged the villages where they battled in the mid-11th century. In order to get all these aggressive men under control by request of the Church, chivalry came to be. In other words, historically, the word as nothing to do with relationship or dating behavior. It just served as a way of keeping knights from acting violently.

According to Gershon, chivalry as we know it came from poetry and written stories about knights during the time and afterwards. These romantic works of fiction, not actually written by any of the knights themselves, is much closer to what we mean in modern times when referring to the term. In these stories written by poets and the clergy, men were expected to be “inspired by the love of some lady out there and want to impress her and win her love by doing great deeds.”

Perceiving chivalry with the perspective of “helping the weak” or “men helping women” is where the term gets problematic due to its implications of women being helpless and in need. Naturally, this was a more common mindset before white women began leaving the house and getting jobs. The traditional masculine role disappeared with it leading to cries of “chivalry is dead!” and that it isn’t needed in the modern century.

However, if chivalry is perceived as just “courteous behavior” regardless of gender, then the term is not inherently dead or malicious in anyway. I initially thought I’d find a lot of resistance looking into LGBT articles, but I saw a lot of support for butch chivalry in lesbian relationships and men didn’t mind being codified as feminine and gay relationships, if it meant they got to spoiled and treated with care.

If chivalry is seen as universal, regardless of the body or identity performing it, then there aren’t issues. But the question arises then, if chivalry becomes universal, what makes it different from just common courtesy or just being nice? If we’re all just courteous in our relationships regardless of gender, then isn’t that just respect or kindness? I think it just depends then on how we choose to see it.

In conclusion, I still don’t know what chivalry is and, quite frankly, I don’t think I care too much anymore. What we perceive as ideal or needed masculinity changes with time, culture and individual preference. I think as long as any relationships is built on consent, mutual respect, and love, couples should be free to do whatever they want, whenever they want with their partners.

 

Sources:

https://www.history.com/news/chivalry-knights-middle-ages