There’s a new kind of dog dad in town: one who talks about his feelings. In Bristol, England, a man created a dog-walking club for men to get together and talk about their emotions. After struggling with anxiety and depression for most of his life, he realized that walking his dog in nature brought him peace. He then began inviting some of his male friends to accompany him on these walks, and they started to talk about their feelings in a way traditionally reserved for their wives. While many men (up to 40% in one Priori study) do not seek treatment for mental illness, this man has found a way to break through the barrier and get men to open up to each other.

Many aspects of this news story were very interesting to me. For starters, it is just such a cute idea, and it made me really want to join a female version – but then I realized that there are already so many options for women to hang out and talk about their emotions. As one man who participates in Dogs & Dudes noted, his wife “constantly chats” with her friends about concerns, worries, and things going on in her life, whereas he and his guy friends never talked about such things (Laurinavicius & Nefas). This really made me reconsider the whole ‘girls gossip so much, ew’ stereotype associated with women. Yes, it’s possible that women may gossip more than men, but isn’t that healthier than bottling everything up?

On the comments for this article, many people mentioned the Man Box. The Man Box isn’t a new concept for us in this class because we understand that masculinity is socially constructed, but for many people in older generations it is confusing to say the least. The Man Box is a “set of rigid expectations that define what a ‘real man’ is” (Greene). We know this as hegemonic masculinity — strength, dominance, confidence, breadwinning, violence, etc. The men in the Dudes & Dogs club are attempting to break out of this Man Box by going against the hegemonic expectation to display no emotions. The fact that the people in the comments expressed their support for this idea was surprising to me. I half-way expected people on the Internet to respond with the typical “talking about your feelings is gay bro” or something along those lines, but I was pleasantly surprised that everyone seemed happy that these men were working through their mental health issues. I do think there are a few contributing factors to this general acceptance, though, the main of which is that it isn’t breaking out of the Man Box that much.

One part of this limited break-out involves the inclusion of dogs in the activity. After quickly scrolling through the pictures of the dudes and their dogs, I realized that they were all very masculine-typical dogs. There was one French bulldog, but the rest were mostly large mutts or labs. No frilly, white, fluffy ‘girl dogs,’ even in this fight-against-toxic-masculinity group. Also, dogs are considered normal, mainstream pets — a way to conform to societal expectations, if you want to take it that far. I think that’s why it’s particularly interesting that this group is centered around taking dogs for a walk in nature. It is still deeply conforming to the idea that masculine = normal and outdoors = masculine. It would be a different story if these men were getting together over brunch (a very oddly-feminized meal) and mimosas to talk about their feelings. Hiking outdoors with their big dogs surrounded by other men isn’t exactly the postcard for fighting the masculine standard. However, I do greatly applaud them for their effort to break out of the Man Box through discussing emotions and showing vulnerability.

I think I was also drawn to this idea because it shows my conflict with a lot of discussions that happen surrounding SWGS-related issues. Yes, this Dudes & Dogs club helps fight against toxic masculinity. Yes, it still conforms to a lot of ideas surrounding toxic masculinity. I tend to give these groups the benefit of the doubt and appreciate them for their effect to fight against a powerful, harmful societal standard. Though they could always be doing more to fight against some of the other stereotypes they are continuing to feed into, I think thus far they are making solid headway. I think sometimes in classes (obviously not specifically this class, this happens in every sort of discussion-based class) we become so wrapped up in how society shapes everything that we forget that society still exists and pressures us. It would, of course, be optimal if men could sit together and have wine nights where they talk about their feelings with no societal consequences, but that would take a strong act against societal expectations. Sometimes, I think we have to take what we can get for now, and be confident that our small moves toward breaking down toxic masculinity will snowball and eventually lead to tackling every issue, not just the convenient ones.

 

Avery Myers

 

Sources:

Guy Sets Up A Dog-Walking Group For Men Who Need A Companion To Open Up About Their Problems

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-man-box-the-link-between-emotional-suppression-and-male-violence/